How I've Maintained My Identity In My Ten Year Relationship
By Tieranie Evans
I want to preference this post by first by saying I am in no way a relationship guru. Like everyone else, I am just figuring things out along the way, and it's taken time. Ten years to be exact, it's been a wild ride, filled with ups and downs, and I am happy to say it was all worth it because, without the lesson that I've learned in my relationship, I wouldn't be me that I am today. This post is going to mainly be focused on me because my boyfriends' story in the relationship is his own to tell. Let's being shall me?
Here's a little background on my relationship
We meet in high school
I was the chaser (I liked him because I don't do much chasing lol)
It was high school, so our relationship didn't become serious until we were in college.
We have a lot in common, but a lot of differences.
He's a Sagittarius
I'm a Sagittarius-Capricorn cusp (the Capricorn part of me always restricting the wild sag)
Constantly viewing myself as an individual is how I've maintained myself thus far.
It's easy to find yourself lost in another person, and it's even easier to adapt to everything they like or love. I've always seen my relationship as a partnership, not as a bond that couldn't be broken. I never want to lose who I am in another person, ever. My friends, family, hobbies, passion projects are mines. I've realized that the person I'm with can share a love for them, but it's not their identity.
Ya'll, when you're in a relationship with another person, it's not like osmosis happens, and your then one whole person with them. You need to maintain you! Especially, with the possibility of a break-up. Let's be real, the possibility is there for every relationship. The last thing I wanted was to left high and dry if any of my romantic relationships were to dissolve, and now I'm looking for friends. NOPE. I believe in keeping that same energy in and out of romantic relationships.
If you're struggling to maintain yourself in a relationship here are some tips
Call your best friend/set up dates with them once a week.
Get a hobby, friend. If your hobby is spending time with your boyfriend/girlfriend- it's time to expand your horizons. There's more to life than them.
Go see a movie with friends, or better yet by yourself.
Focus on your personal goals.
Realize that your partner is not the only person capable of loving you.
To close this post out, the most important lesson I've picked up along the way is to love yourself first, and all the time. It's my ultimate goal. It's lovely to know that someone other than your family loves you. But don't become dependent on them to love you, it's a mistake. It's your job to love you and keep yourself happy. Adding another person's affection to the pot is just a bonus, not the entire prize.
About The Author
Tieranie Evans is an entrepreneur, avid reader, and blogger residing in Cleveland, Ohio. You can connect with her on Instagram at SimplyTier. Email her at TierEvans@gmail.com
