I Cut My Three Year Old's Hair

Growing up within the black community, hair is everything. It is our crown!

Hair is such an integral part of my culture so naturally with having a little girl, I was excited to braid her hair, adorn her with bows, beads, and barrettes, and do my best to keep it moisturized and healthy. Once I found out I was pregnant, I even said goodbye to the creamy crack to transition from my short pixie cut, to a life kinks, coils, and curls. I wanted my daughter to grow up loving her natural hair, and who better than to be the example, than me?

However my dream came to a screeching halt. Mia HATES anything related to her head. She does not allow me to comb or detangle her hair and barely lets me apply product to it. She rarely keeps headbands or turbans on and fights me every step of the way.

At the beginning of last year, I started a new technique by doing Mia’s hair while she slept and surprisingly it worked! I was able to detangle and french braid her hair into the cutest styles that would last one to two weeks at a time. When Mia’s hair was done, she and I received so many compliments. When I would let her hair be free in an afro, I got a plethora of comments about her hair and how it looked too dry, matted, and how I needed to comb her hair.

It was nearly impossible to do Mia’s hair during the day. She would scream, cry, push, and hit. When Mia had to undergo surgery to control an infection she contracted after her hemispherectomy, the decision was made along with her neurosurgeon to cut her hair. I was devastated at the thought of loosing all her hair, but I knew it would allow her wounds to be kept clean and be easier to monitor any potential infections. Despite my devastation, there was also some relief. Mia and I both would have a break from the daunting task of doing her hair.

While holding her in the hospital, I reached up to touch her smooth head. She immediately flinched. At that moment, a light bulb went off.

Mia wasn’t simply tender headed. She had a negative connotation with her head. After surviving a traumatic brain injury and eight head surgeries, who would want her head touched?

At almost a year later, Mia’s hair has grown long enough to style, and I was again faced with the daunting task of doing her hair. Even though comments about her hair did bother me, I too, was bothered by the lint stuck in her hair, the dry texture, and her gorgeous coils, matted, caused by the fact that she’s still not a fully unsupported sitter. I attempted to do her hair once during the day and once while she slept to see how things would go. I tried while she slept, and she kept swatting my hand away, woke up to give me a strong side eye, and kept moving her head. I gave up because I did not want her to have a horrible night’s sleep. I tried multiple times the next day sitting on the floor with her, distracting her with music and toys, and even in her highchair. The tears, snot, and thrashing was not worth it.

I felt so defeated. I longed for her not to just have cute styles, but I wanted her hair to be moisturized, healthy, and protected.

I made the decision that the tears weren’t worth it!

How am I to know that doing her hair wasn't painful despite me being extremely gentle? She has been through hell and back, and if she does not want her hair done, the least I can do it respect her wishes.

So I made the decision to cut her hair, and to keep it short moving forward. I used a pair of sheers, and cut off all the matted pieces in the back of her head for a curly tapered back, and a short curly fro on the top and sides. Long hair is not practical now for Mia and I, and I am a peace with that. This short cut will not only be easier to manage, but also, more hygienic. I feel free and I know Mia does as well. I no longer have to stress about doing her hair. Now the only thing I have to do is tell strangers her name is Mia when they think she is a boy, and that, I can handle :)